God Is In the Doubt

What it is

I grew up in the church and watched faith do real things. I have miracles of my own to account for. None of it shielded me when the blows kept coming and my faith came apart.

So I went looking. Not for comfort. For what was actually true, and I kept looking while the ground gave way underneath me. This book follows that search through infertility, child loss, and suicide, and it does not handle any of them the way I was taught to.

What I found was that God might not be who we think He is. And that a familiar face sits waiting.

Who it is for

• Anyone whose faith did not survive contact with real loss
• Anyone told their doubt is a failure of belief
• Anyone who has prayed for years and been answered with silence
• Anyone sitting with someone in that place and out of words

This is not a book that resolves doubt. It is a book that takes it seriously enough to follow it all the way down.

Who wrote it

I have written about grief and faith at DavidALloyd.com since 2019. My son Caleb died by suicide in June 2018 at twenty-one. This book is about the losses that led to a faith crisis and what was still there on the other side of it.

My second book, Still Dead, Still Here: Long Grief After Suicide, is about what came after the worst of them. StillDeadStillHere.com.